The chronicles of an online poker player

Instant Tragedy

June 3, 2010 at 11:51 am

In a world where one man’s destiny is another man’s trash

comes a man who’s life is filled with a painful wife

(Kathy Bates yelling at Phillip Seymour Hoffman) “Why do you stay on the computer all the time? YOU SUCK, I don’t care if you bring home $100,000 a year, I love Nick!”

friends who don’t understand him…

(Kevin Smith  talking to the phone)

“What kinda trouble is the idiot up to now? He’s always telling me that he’s good for a handle of Soco, but he’s too much of a puss to come to Vegas!”

women trying to take advantage to him…

(Lindsey Lohan typing to the computer)

“Oh, I knew I fell in love with you the moment we started talking…”

And the one woman that he is always trying to see naked…

(Tia Carrere looking at the computer playing poker, “The fuck I’m letting you see me naked…)

with appearances by Vin Diesel…

“Shooting craps is easy…”

Keith Olberman…

“Now, if you have 2 hours, let me show you why Ace Rag is the best hand ever except when it is used by others on me”

Angelina Jolie…

“He is so harmless, I trust him because he fixes my blog for free!”

Adam Sandler…

“I tell you , just fade Wawfuls picks and you’ll be minting money. Have I told you about the Slump Buster?”

starring in the feel good movie of the year

(Every star mentioned before saying the same one word again and again)

“WAWFULS!”

(Phillip Seymour Hoffman looking at a mirror ) “I mean it is cool if you can not afford the restaurant but your never getting laid that way. So stop crying about it. How about you be a man and say “Hey bitch, were going to Jack-n-the-Box, my treat”. Man up fag.”

Phillip Seymour Hoffman is “Waffles”

Rated R for Language, Nudity and Suggestive abuse of animals

Kathy Bates : Wawful’s wife

Kevin Smith : Alcanthang

Lindsey Lohan : Donkette

Tia Carrere : CK

Vin Diesel :  Bayne

Keith Olberman : Hoy

Angelina Jolie : Carmen

Adam Sandler : Miami Don

with cameos by

Pauly : The man Waffles yells at in the NY Subway

Instant Tragedy : Man who Waffles yells at after getting sucked out on the computer

Poker Enthusiast : Waffles Special Ed Teacher.

and Conan O’Brian : Lucko

2
  • 1

    Muhahahahahahaha

    Bravo!

    lightning36 on June 3rd, 2010
  • 2

    Thank GOD you didn’t cast me as Sandra Oh!

    BWoP on June 5th, 2010
  • Who is Instant Tragedy?

    Broadcast journalist, professional dad, poker player and writing phenomenon.
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